When my best friend lost her nine-year-old daughter last November, I told her, I’m on my way. I dropped everything and drove to be with her. I didn’t bring anything with me but the clothes on my back. I stayed with her for three days, and although I looked a hot mess, I didn’t care. I was comforting my friend. I felt her pain as though I had experienced it myself. I felt her sorrow and her confusion. I felt her reaching out to God for help. I felt it all, and as I sat with her, walked with her, embraced her, and listened to her, I was constantly checking in with Holy Spirit to guide me and He is still guiding me today where she is concerned.
There is wisdom for you if you are caring for someone who has experienced loss. God has an abundance of wisdom to give you. He says He is near to the brokenhearted, so why wouldn’t He give wisdom for caring for the brokenhearted.
Here are some things I have learned that has helped me over the years in comforting others.
1. Be there. Often we fear saying the wrong thing, so we avoid calling or coming around. When we do this, we cause the person to feel isolated and alone. Be there for them. Cook, clean, fix something around their house, organize something, take them out to eat, read to them, take them for a walk,… anything at all. Your presence shows them you care. Even when you have no words to say, your presence alone says, I love you, and I’m here for you.
2. Try to put yourself in their shoes. Their hearts are broken, and only God can minister to their brokenness. Try very hard to put yourself in their shoes. How would you want someone to talk to you? What would you want someone to do for you? Think about how you would want someone to love you through this.
3. Don’t be afraid to talk about the person who passed away. A lot of times, I find that people enjoy talking about their loved ones. They want to share favorite memories even if they cry while sharing them. It’s ok.
4. Don’t take anything they say personally. Remember, hurting people tend to hurt people, and most times, this is done unintentionally. Because of the pain they feel, their minds are looking for answers, and they may say something that can sound hurtful, just remember, they love you, and they’re hurting. Forgive them.
5. Remember to care for your own needs and care for your priorities. You still have a life outside of this friendship, so it is important to do things that give you life. Also care for your family. They are your support.
6. Remember, this is their journey. You may be walking with your friend, but this is their journey, and the Lord is with them, and He will be a far better friend to them than you ever could be.
7. After every conversation, release them to the Lord. I know you want to help them heal, but remember who you are and who you are not. You are not the Great Physician, you are not omnipresent, omniscient, or omnipotent. Release them to the one who is.
8. Keep your commitments. Your friend needs as much stability as possible. Broken promises are not good. If you say you’re going to be there, be there. Be dependable and reliable.
9. Plan to do things together. Sometimes, they may be doing very well, then moments later, they feel hopeless and in despair. One way to try to keep your friend from slipping into despair is to make future plans with them. Even if it’s as small as going to get pedicures next week to going to visit Australia in the summer. Make plans and invite them along with you.
10. Pray with them and pray for them. It is good to pray for someone in your alone time with God; however, it can mean even more to pray with someone. There’s nothing like hearing someone pour out their hearts to God for you. Let them hear your love and how much you care for them as you talk with the Lord about them.
11. Know your limitations. Because of all the responsibilities you have, you may have to tell your other friends that you are focusing on this one grieving friend right now. You can’t afford to burn yourself out trying to be there for everyone.
(Read Psalm 46:1)
12 thoughts on “When someone you love experiences loss.”
Yes, Amen 🙏🏾
The Lord is near to the Broken Hearted.
Thank you, GOD
BLESS YOU SISTER
FOR THIS MESSAGE OF Love, hope
and strength to press on .♥️
I Love This!! These are very good steps to guide us in caring for someone that is grieving. I really appreciate you and your wisdom. Thank You and God bless You, WOG! ❤️❤️
Yes thank you GOD for this message..I needed this today!! Thank you Terri
Wow!!! I will meditate on this!
Thank you for sharing.
I loss my mom in June 2020 randomly and unexpected!
My close friend could make her home going and it changed the dynamics of our relationship!
I was really hurt and still am a little.
We talked about it yet our relationship hasn’t been the same!
It’s so important to show up for the people you love no matter what!
Thank you for sharing
❤Thank you so much Sis Kesha for delivering this devotion As I grieve over the passing of my mother Ask God continue to give me the strength that I need daily keep me in your loving cover Father God in the name of Jesus Amen 🙏🏽❤
Lord God, God of all comfort, wrap Your arms of love 🤗around R and may Your presence bring peace and healing. Give the grace and strength needed to go through. Heal memories and restore the soul. Love 💕 on them. Lead them beside the still waters. In Jesus’ name, amen 🛐.
I am always amazed at how God shows up for me. ❤ My friend and her family recently walked through a covid diagnosis. Her dad ended up being placed on a ventilator last week. Just this morning at 4:28 am PST he entered Heaven. She let me know about an hr later. Your post was so on time. Due to covid restrictions I am not able to show up in some of the same ways as listed but the message from God was clear… I am to show up in the way He directs.. not shy away because ‘space is needed’. Thank you AGAIN for allowing the Lord to lead you.
This is an excellent post! As a widow of two years who lost her mother two days before Thanksgiving the following year and both in laws as well as her father in the last 6 years, this post is spot on. People don’t know what to say to those who are grieving, and staying away from them is the worst thing to do. We feel so alone. I have been so blessed to have special friends who have been there for me, both physically and long distance through social media and the phone. God has used them to carry me through some very difficult times. Being there is the biggest thing a friend can do. Thank you for the excellent advice!
Thank you Sis. Kesha for reminding us how we should mourn with those who mourn. Sometimes we are so consumed with our own lives that we forget to be that unconditional friend. I will keep this post close to my heart.
Lord thank You for allowing me to see Your fruits of the Spirit in Sis. Kesha and allowing her to be open enough to share her experiences as an example for Your daughters to reciprocate to those in their time of need. Keep me focused on what You have created me to be to others too. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Blessings, Shalom and Agape.
I praise God because your devotionals always speak directly to me. I mean every single day. I just received word that my grandmother is on her death bed and my mom is struggling with this. I live in central Florida and my grandmother is with my aunt in Venice, FL. My mom flies in Friday from MA and I’m going to drive down to be with my Mom and to tell my grandmother “until we meet again in Heaven”.
Thank you for this message so I can be support to my mom and aunts and uncles during this difficult time. My mom believes in Jesus but her brothers and sisters aren’t there yet. I pray I can be a light for them.
Thank you Sister Kesha for your continued insight of God’s word. I lost my mother 3 weeks ago. The out pouring of love that I have received is right in line with some of your advice. Now I will know what to do if I am called upon to help a grieving friend. ✝️❤️
Thank you Keisha. Your post are such a blessing to many including me. I look forward to reading them. This posting comes at a crucial time. Many are losing love one’s. Bless you, we all need to know how to comfort friends and love one’s.